100%
As the holidays have arrived, so have more opportunities to see people I may not typically get to. My stint with rhabdo has become a topic of conversation, and I have been frequently asked, "So are you back to 100%?"
I certainly understand it's a loose term for indicating whether someone is fully capable of doing whatever it is they intend to do or whether someone is back to normal. It's all relative.
The more I've been asked the more I've been mulling it over. What does this actually mean?
I certainly understand it's a loose term for indicating whether someone is fully capable of doing whatever it is they intend to do or whether someone is back to normal. It's all relative.
But why do we ask this? Why do we ask people if they're back to 100%? Historically speaking, when were humans ever 100% to begin with?
When we trace back to the beginning of recorded time (Adam & Eve, Big Bang...wherever you fall, it doesn't matter), we come to find that no one has ever been "100%." There is no such thing. Yeah, maybe we're really good at certain things, but the fact is we're all imperfect. We're never fully 100% of anything, except human.
And as I'm finding throughout my journey, being 100% human is hard. But trying to live up to 100% of anything else is harder.
I will never be 100% at my job.
I will never be 100% of the friend I need to be.
I will never be 100% mentally, physically, emotionally healthy...#almost30
I will never be 100% of the daughter or sister I hope to be.
I will never be 100% of what society deems to be "beautiful."
I just won't.
And this isn't to be hard on myself. This is to live with enough awareness to understand that 100% isn't attainable. When we tell ourselves it is, a slow crumble begins. It may not be an emergent or immediate crumble, but slowly the pieces will begin to fall apart. When we believe that "he/she has it all together," more pieces fall. And before we know it, we're in a pile on the ground trying to figure out how we got here.
So what do we do? We own our humanity. We accept that we're not perfect, but that we can try to be the very best version of ourselves in any given moment. We pump the brakes when the voices begin to echo, "you're not enough." We pause, we breathe, we extend grace to ourselves (and others!) when we mess up, and we keep moving. We suppress our desire for more/other and stay on our own path, ever aware that no two paths are the same.
It's been a hard year. Some of it has been hard for reasons I had control over. Some of it has been hard for circumstances out of my control. But safe to say, 2017 is not a year I will look back upon fondly. I am ready for 2018. But I'm ready with enough sense that just because a number clicks forward, doesn't mean hardship disappears. I know that there will be hard moments in the coming year. That is part of the experience of being 100% human. However, what I hope to do is go into 2018 with is a renewed sense of relief that I don't have to be 100% of anything to anyone else, including myself. I don't have to be a perfect teacher, I don't have to have a significant other, I don't have to be as thin/strong/fit as _____, I don't have to own a house to be considered successful, I don't have to make it to every event I'm invited to, I don't have to feel responsible for my family's joy, or lack thereof. I am free to live exactly how I see fit without the notion that I have something to prove or an expectation to live up to. This doesn't mean I throw up my hands and say "forget it all!" and quit trying. But what it DOES mean is that I journey with enough grace and mercy that when things go awry, I can dust it off, learn, and keep going.
During our Christmas Eve service our pastor talked about beholding. This idea that when we choose to say no to fear and instead choose to witness life unfolding as it does, things usually turn out a little better. This doesn't mean we don't take the space and time to grieve or mourn, but we live attuned to the idea that those feelings don't have to hold power over us. We can choose to see the forest for the trees. We can choose to fear not and behold.
With 2018 rapidly approaching, my hope is to be 100% human. Not 100% anything else...just human. My hope is to extend grace and mercy continually and to remember that the goal is not perfection, because that's unattainable. The goal is to keep moving and to love others well along the way; including myself. Here is to looking ahead. To seeing the forest for the trees. Ever aware that we're never arriving but always trying...and beholding as much as we can.
Strength, courage, and peace to you.
Happy New Year!
When we trace back to the beginning of recorded time (Adam & Eve, Big Bang...wherever you fall, it doesn't matter), we come to find that no one has ever been "100%." There is no such thing. Yeah, maybe we're really good at certain things, but the fact is we're all imperfect. We're never fully 100% of anything, except human.
And as I'm finding throughout my journey, being 100% human is hard. But trying to live up to 100% of anything else is harder.
I will never be 100% at my job.
I will never be 100% of the friend I need to be.
I will never be 100% mentally, physically, emotionally healthy...#almost30
I will never be 100% of the daughter or sister I hope to be.
I will never be 100% of what society deems to be "beautiful."
I just won't.
And this isn't to be hard on myself. This is to live with enough awareness to understand that 100% isn't attainable. When we tell ourselves it is, a slow crumble begins. It may not be an emergent or immediate crumble, but slowly the pieces will begin to fall apart. When we believe that "he/she has it all together," more pieces fall. And before we know it, we're in a pile on the ground trying to figure out how we got here.
So what do we do? We own our humanity. We accept that we're not perfect, but that we can try to be the very best version of ourselves in any given moment. We pump the brakes when the voices begin to echo, "you're not enough." We pause, we breathe, we extend grace to ourselves (and others!) when we mess up, and we keep moving. We suppress our desire for more/other and stay on our own path, ever aware that no two paths are the same.
It's been a hard year. Some of it has been hard for reasons I had control over. Some of it has been hard for circumstances out of my control. But safe to say, 2017 is not a year I will look back upon fondly. I am ready for 2018. But I'm ready with enough sense that just because a number clicks forward, doesn't mean hardship disappears. I know that there will be hard moments in the coming year. That is part of the experience of being 100% human. However, what I hope to do is go into 2018 with is a renewed sense of relief that I don't have to be 100% of anything to anyone else, including myself. I don't have to be a perfect teacher, I don't have to have a significant other, I don't have to be as thin/strong/fit as _____, I don't have to own a house to be considered successful, I don't have to make it to every event I'm invited to, I don't have to feel responsible for my family's joy, or lack thereof. I am free to live exactly how I see fit without the notion that I have something to prove or an expectation to live up to. This doesn't mean I throw up my hands and say "forget it all!" and quit trying. But what it DOES mean is that I journey with enough grace and mercy that when things go awry, I can dust it off, learn, and keep going.
During our Christmas Eve service our pastor talked about beholding. This idea that when we choose to say no to fear and instead choose to witness life unfolding as it does, things usually turn out a little better. This doesn't mean we don't take the space and time to grieve or mourn, but we live attuned to the idea that those feelings don't have to hold power over us. We can choose to see the forest for the trees. We can choose to fear not and behold.
With 2018 rapidly approaching, my hope is to be 100% human. Not 100% anything else...just human. My hope is to extend grace and mercy continually and to remember that the goal is not perfection, because that's unattainable. The goal is to keep moving and to love others well along the way; including myself. Here is to looking ahead. To seeing the forest for the trees. Ever aware that we're never arriving but always trying...and beholding as much as we can.
Strength, courage, and peace to you.
Happy New Year!
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